Home > Dating and Relationships, Discover People, Live Well Live Wisely > If you are uncertain about your relationship right now…

If you are uncertain about your relationship right now…

1. Rule of thumb: Only get into a relationship when it makes you happy. If you start to feel sad, irritated, disturbed, paranoid or painful, which often outweigh your happiness, you may as well stop.

Love hate relationship by AshJC.

2. Bottom line, you need to love yourself and protect yourself. So do not lose yourself no matter how much you may be in love. And if the person needs you to lose yourself to be in the relationship, he is probably not the right one anyway.

3. A good relationship cannot be established just by your own effort. It demands devotion, effort, compromise from both sides. If you are the only one making all the effort and compromises from the beginning, you will be the only one doing those for the rest of the relationship.

4. If a man said he loves you, it is certainly a huge upgrade from “like”, but it means nothing other than the fact that he said it. He might have said that to many girls before, and will probably say this again to many girls to come. But believe him when he says it. Also understand one day he might still leave you. It doesn’t mean he does not love you, it just means he does not love you enough. And it’s OK.

5. Never get into a relationship because you need a relationship. Enjoy being single, because one day you will lose the opportunity of that, forever, at least for most people.

6. Sometimes you need to think about relationship in economic terms. You may want to devote and even sacrifice yourself now, if you know that he is the “right” one and you will gain good “payoff” in the future. In terms of PV, you’re still making a profit. But if there is “no future”, and there is no happiness but only sacrifice for you “now”, why the hell are you still in this relationship?

7. If you know a relationship won’t lead to marriage and he is not the “right” one, but you still like him in certain ways, you may still enjoy the time with him by committing maybe 50% of what you have originally planned to commit. Honestly, it is much better to explore different people and discover what kind of person you are really compatible with now, than after you get married.

8. Relationship is all about timing. He might be the right one, but this is not the right time.

9. There is not one Mr. Right pre-selected for you. There can be many Mr. Rights, or none at all, depending on how you look at it. Relationship is difficult because you are looking for a variety of qualities, and you don’t want just one or two of those qualities, you want everything, in a package. There is going to be trade-offs, so better know what qualities you weigh more.

10. And finally, believe that one day someone will come along, and you will realize why nobody else ever worked out before.


P.S. You may not agree with everything I said above, but I will be really glad if one tiny part of this article makes you feel better or let you realized something about your relationship.  So let me know!


  1. Jordan
    May 12, 2010 at 11:12 am

    1. There will be a ton of unhappy and trying times in any relationship. Don’t give up on it just because it’s hard. Work through your unhappiness together and come out stronger for it in the end.

    2. Losing yourself and changing are two different things. Be sure to note the difference.

    3. Be sure, before you terminate a relationship that you feel is one sided, that you have explicitly expressed your feelings to your partner. You should be there to help him/her grow and develop into a better person. No one comes just as you want them and they certainly do not come with ESP. They can’t read your mind and they don’t necessarily do things or think of things the same way you do, so try and make them understand before you just up and leave.

    4. Love means everything.

    5. Why would you loose the choice to be single?

    6. This is a terrible way to look at love.

    7. Your life does not automatically lead you to marriage. Try to live in the moment so that you don’t miss the wonderful things right in front of you. Also, if you do marry, realize that you are a constantly evolving phenomenon. You change so frequently that it is ludicrous to think that one day after x number of relationships you’ll know exactly what’s right and wrong for you. IF you decide to marry someone go into with flexibility patience and complete commitment. You can work through anything if are both only willing to do so.

    8. Relationships really are about you. Are you ready for it? If you are then you will find success.

    9. Do not list your ideal partner’s qualities on your finger tips. Try going into a relationship with no preconceived expectations or notions and be amazed by the things you never knew existed.

    10. Someday, you will find yourself and then you will be happy no matter what.

    • May 12, 2010 at 12:54 pm

      Jordan, thank you for reading through my list (or whatever you call it) and provide your thoughts on relationship, which are very insightful. Actually I agree with most of the part you are saying, especially Number 1, 3, 7 and 9 (the longer ones it seems), because the most rewarding, healthiest and loving relationship I ever had involved all 4 of the points you mentioned. My personal views on relationship has been constantly evolving as well, and I wrote the above list a while back so I can’t even say I agree with what I originally wrote 100%. I do want to mention being Asian and raised up in a completely different culture until I was 18 gave me a natrual bias in some of my views, though I have been constantly debating with myself and I think I learned and have grown through the process as well.

      Again I want to thank you for leaving your valuable input and I wish you all the best with your relationship too.

    • May 12, 2010 at 1:01 pm

      Also, about point 6, I agree it’s a terrible way to look at relationships actually, but at times it will help you to think things through. it will help you to stay sane. It might not work for everyone but it worked for me so I want to share it. I guess my point is if the relationship is going decently well and both sides are working towards the best of each other, you don’t even have to go as far to think about it, so it’s really like a last resort thing. does that make sense?

  2. May 22, 2010 at 2:17 pm

    Hi Danye,

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  3. Jessica
    November 12, 2010 at 6:57 pm

    Thanks for your article. My boyfriend is in Stanford University. we have mo communicatioin for 2 months. I know he is saying”I want to leave U “until yesterday. The boys can’t say I want to leave U face to face, but will show that in their actions. No email, No phonecall, no words and so on. I am so stupid to find him again and again, Becasue I thought maybe he is unsafe in CA, USA? Maybe something bad happened to him? So ,yes I know, he is just no that into u now, he wants to leave u now. All the things I clear about until yesterday. Although I cried, the life is still going on . And thanks for your words.

  4. Jessica
    November 12, 2010 at 8:49 pm

    your article touches my heart, thanks

  5. Aniagba Augustine
    December 22, 2012 at 6:50 am

    I realy love d way u analysd each point. Though its short but the massage was clearly deliverd. I wil love to receive more of ur articles. Tnx



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  1. August 16, 2010 at 8:49 pm
  2. November 10, 2010 at 11:38 am
  3. November 16, 2010 at 9:49 pm
  4. January 5, 2011 at 3:24 pm
  5. March 30, 2011 at 11:17 am
  6. March 26, 2012 at 7:16 pm

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