Home > Communication, Dating and Relationships, Discover People, Networking > I don’t really know you but I added you anyway

I don’t really know you but I added you anyway

I remember when facebook first came out the second semester of my freshman year, people suddenly stopped talking to each other on phones, or after class, or even in the dining halls (that’s probably exaggerated). But the point is, people started posting on each other’s walls with the most mundane things in life you could possibly ever think: from checking which history section you signed up for, asking where you are traveling for spring break, to confirm that you will go to the same social event that evening…

And yes, she/he is your suitemate right next door.

It is amazing how people are so comfortable hiding themselves behind the computer screen even when talking to those whom they are very familiar with. And it is striking how people worry less about personal privacy than the fact that they are not popular enough. Of course there are multiple upgrades and revisions since the invention of facebook to enhance the user’s experience with privacy, but these measures have not and will not stop those who want to stalk other people, and the fascinating thing is that at least for some people, they don’t really mind others stalking.

Probably that is exactly why facebook has become so crazily successful. It has to do with our generation. It has to do with our very tech savvy generation who wants to be special, unique, exposed, and recognized, for good or for bad. 

And honestly I don’t know since when my facebook friends list simply exploded, despite the fact that I only accept 3 kinds of request: 1) I know the person. 2) Based on the location, education, common interest and social community, there is a good chance that I will get to know him/her in the near future. 3) He/she gives me a really good reason.

So the process usually works this way: you look at the name and face, then you look at mutual friends, then you look at where they are and what they do…And finally what they say with the personal note (which could potentially overwrite anything else). Sometimes I don’t understand why random people add you without a personal note; sometimes I wonder if they just expect to get lucky because it will be normal for me (or anyone) NOT to add a totally random person (exceptions apply…)

I try to put a personal note when adding a new friend on facebook as often as I can, even it’s just a “great meeting you at XXX’s birthday party tonight”. You don’t know what the other person was thinking when talking with you, you don’t know how good his memory is, you don’t know whether he was drunk, and you don’t know how many other people he talked to that night who went to the same school, or work at the same company, and maybe even “worse”, with the same hairstyle. 

It doesn’t hurt to add a line or two on how you’ve met. It is a kind reminder and gives the request a more personal touch, meaning: this is not totally random, and I expect you to add me back, and this has nothing to do with me being lucky, because I am giving you a good reason.

  1. J.L.
    July 24, 2010 at 11:55 am


  2. July 30, 2010 at 8:18 am

    Hi Danye,

    Your blog is interesting and insightful, and you have an enjoyable turn of phrase.

    Best wishes,

    • July 30, 2010 at 9:29 am

      Hi Tom,

      I was beyond thrilled to see your name on my blog and honestly my first reaction was: oh wow is this THE Tom Spencer? Thank you so much for stopping by and I love your blog too! Your words have been such an inspiration to many of us.


  1. No trackbacks yet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: