不如乖乖做一只小绵羊吧

I am going to write in Chinese periodically and I hope that you won’t mind. Sorry if you don’t really read Chinese, maybe you can use google translate? I promise this will not happen often, but sometimes I just REALLY want to write in Chinese! 🙂 Today is one of those days, apparently.

我很多年想不清楚一个问题

如果你是一个有些强势的女人,那似乎很容易让男人觉得有吸引力,不过然后交往起来男人又觉得有压力; 再之后开始矛盾重重,这个怎么办呢? 

后来我的一个好朋友一语道破天机:是么?你为什么不能乖乖做你的小绵羊呢? 

是啊。如果说强势是一种性格,倒不如说是一种姿态。没有谁会一直强势的(我不相信有完全不会温柔的女人),也没有那个必要。可是一个姿态做久了,容易变成习惯,习惯了之后就变得麻痹。所以你以为你根本没有强势的时候别人也觉得你很强势了。 

所以有一天你觉得你身边的人都走了。他们是欣赏你,可是然后他们怕你,然后他们离开你,难道不是必然么? 

聪明或者不聪明的女人,区别也就在这里了。

聪明的女人懂得能屈能伸,懂得四两拨千斤的力量,懂得知十写一(新闻界常用语,知道得东西如果有十,只提炼出一来写),懂得不该自己去瞎操心的地方就不要操心,懂得让身边的男人觉得他是个男人。

这没那么难吧。可是如果你把一个男人该做的事情或者该做的决定都揽过来在自己身上,你还要一个男人干什么? 之后你的男人跑去跟一个小鸟依人看上去完全没什么性格的女子在一起了,你还觉得莫名其妙。

这就是你吧:永远不承认是你把别人赶跑了。其实骨子里伤感得很。只能在深夜一个人的角落里哭泣,一个人缅怀,抚平伤痕,然后第二天在众人面起再扬起阳光般灿烂的笑脸。

如果你觉得这就是所谓的坚强,那么我告诉你:

是你愚蠢。

为什么你就不能乖乖做一只小绵羊?没有哪个女人不能做一个小绵羊。如果你不能做,那是因为你,第一不够自信,你以为你卸下女强人的伪装你就一无所有。可是我完全不明白你那么好那么聪明为什么不自信?所以这完全是自欺欺人的把戏。第二是你懒。Again强势是一种习惯,明知道一直这样不好却又不能改,还非说这就是你的性格,这不是懒是什么?

如果只能眼睁睁看着那些很优秀的,很努力的,很务实的女人因为上述种种这些原因找不到心甘情愿为你付出真心的男人,那么我只能很遗憾。

你应该相信我的话,因为我曾经也是你。

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  1. Tianshu
    November 15, 2010 at 12:19 am

    我想法比较不一样 我和比较强势的男生在一起的话 会比较有压力 然后就会害怕 然后就会离开 哎这个想法是不是很像男生应该想的?(我朋友都这么跟我说)我觉得我根本没办法和大男人在一起 所以有些大女人的想法(vs小绵羊的想法)应该也没事吧

    • November 15, 2010 at 6:54 pm

      I see. interesting. Whatever works for you is the best. You are the person who really know about yourself, so if you know this is what you want and this is what you can deal with, go for it. 🙂

  2. Nicole
    November 23, 2010 at 6:09 pm

    This is a fascinating point of view. I am so glad I read this today and not any later. I actually recently just had a conversation with a friend about this until 3 in the morning when trying to figure out our life goals (haha). We were talking about how men are afraid to have relationships with women who are smarter or make more money and instead, look for women who are less capable. Your view is especially interesting because instead of focusing on the problems with men like most articles do, you focused on what females are doing wrong. This is a big problem for women nowadays especially for those who are trying to step into male-dominated careers.

    thanks!

    • November 28, 2010 at 3:51 pm

      Thanks Nicole. I wouldn’t necessarily conclude it is wrong for a woman to be aggressive all the time though. Dealing with the opposite sex and especially someone very close to you is a tricky issue and many of us have worked on this for a long time and will still have to work on this for the rest of our lives, but it’s still not satasfactory all the time. I wrote this article because this is something I have learned from my experiences and it seems to be working for me and I am finally capable of doing that. There is nothing wrong for a woman to be successful, but being good at your career doesn’t necessarily translate to being smart in a relationship. If you face challenges and at times need to adjust yourself to make things work better at work, try to think in the same way about your relationship. It could be something other than the fact you are too capable at work, it could well be something else that’s bothering the guy. Every relationship needs compromises, from both sides, and as long as both of you are comfortable, nothing else matters. That’s my point of view.

  3. Nannan
    November 29, 2010 at 3:02 pm

    I read this on Renren few weeks ago! So glad to see it again here in your blog~

  4. Yifei
    January 20, 2011 at 9:36 pm

    I’m totally with you!

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