Home > China China, Communication, Discover People, Live Well Live Wisely, Self-Improvement > Top 8 Things I learned in 2010 (Part II)

Top 8 Things I learned in 2010 (Part II)

5. The easiest thing in the world is to say good things about other people.

Without even seriously meaning it. But it’s so easy, and you see the results. It doesn’t cost you anything, but it makes everybody happy. It really should be something natural to you, because everyone else is doing it too.

But you must be stupid if you don’t know WHY other people are doing it, especially if you are the “target” of the praise. Some people might seriously mean it, and I have every respect for those being honest and genuine with their compliments, but even if you are 10 times better than the compliments, why should they? Because you are a boss? You are a girlfriend? You are his date in this dance club? You are a customer browsing shoes? You are a competition?

I want you to feel good I really want you to. But I only wish you could make your decisions based upon what you really want, not just because someone said good things about you.

6. You will not get it if you don’t ask for it

This includes: your senior manager’s time, a salary increase, a coffee chat with your alumni friend from your dream firm, your computer rebate, your credit card purchase error, your credit card upgrade options, your tax return-never-received, your phone bill mischarge, and etc.

It doesn’t mean you will always get it your way if you make an effort. But I guarantee you you will NOT get anything if you don’t even bother to ask for it. This reminds me of a joke from elementary school:

–Why do you have to go to the bathroom?

–Because the bathroom will not come to you.

It’s probably just funny but come to think about it, isn’t life all about taking initiatives and fighting for your own rights? Have you ever tried, “Hey I understand the policies but I had a personal situation and I was traveling abroad so I wasn’t able to attend to this matter in a timely manner. May I ask for a one time courtesy to credit my account back?” But again, it’s up to you how much time you want to spend with customer service, definitely another thing to consider, some times you are probably better off just to pay an extra.

7. Having a list or not having one does not make a difference.

Especially when it comes to dating/relationship. I used to have a list too, including details on height, ethnicity, the shape of eye brow, what sports he plays, whether or not he plays guitar, etc (that’s probably way too much of an exaggerated list but you get what I mean). And then when someone right comes along, you throw away all the items on the list. And that’s exactly the same process a lot my girlfriends have been through.

The funny thing is that for most of my guy friends, they don’t have a list. And the exactly same thing happens too. So I couldn’t stop but wonder: why do girls have a list to start with? Forget about fairy tales for one second, and think about whether “making a list” is a good strategy to meet your significant other?

The girls say that New York is a place full of competition and guys our age does not want to settle. It’s probably true but at the end of the day, the environment doesn’t really matter, what matters is what you make OUT OF the environment. Many times I want to ask my girlfriends: are you ready to settle yourself? Have you figured out what you really want?

Have you thrown away your list before meeting Mr. Right and start to focus on the basics/quality/character of the other human being? Have you found peace in yourself so you don’t need to go out to parties or get drunk over the weekend? Are you happy with who you are right now? The right person will come along when you truly lead a fulfilled and happy life, because I don’t see any reason why the right person will come along when your life and your mentality is a mess…(I say the same thing to myself seriously)

8. Never lose a chance to listen to other people’s perspective

I attended some training on “Influential Skills” a couple of weeks ago which was a full day event. When my colleagues asked me the typical “how was it” question, I realized the things that stick out of my mind was not the four communication types that we spent so much time on, but the challenges and frustration the other attendees have faced throughout their career and how they are dealing with them, which they have shared with the entire group.

Then I realized how similar we are, and how different we are. Things that have never occurred to me may be of huge significance to other people; things that may come naturally to me may be of a huge challenge to other people; and things that I have been trying to hide about myself actually happened to everyone else at some point in their career. At that training session I felt like a college kid again, attending discussion sessions, throwing in ideas, sharing thoughts. And while other people are talking, instead of taking the opportunity to gather my own thoughts so I can deliver well when it comes to my turn, I listened. I listened very carefully, and I was astonished, and I was amazed.

I guess I was lucky, to have many friends from different backgrounds and cultures who are able to bring me multiple dimensions of appreciation of the world. One of my friend (Rickey Young) went on a trip to China and he made the following comment on this photo he took:

One thing I liked about china was seeing buildings

Wrapped in green cloth like they were gifts

To whoever have been to China and know what this is really about, I hope your heart will be subtly touched and brightened up.

 The END

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  1. January 5, 2011 at 3:24 pm

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