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Posts Tagged ‘Love’

Be Vulnerable, Be Seen

December 4, 2010 4 comments

THIS IS THE BEST TALK I’ve seen for years, and I wish these were the kind of things that could be taught at school. But no, most people are still seeking and struggling. I am hoping to share this with you because I believe this talk really gets to the core of how we are human, how we reflect our own values and worthiness through communications with each other, and provides a new perspective on how we love and live.

To resonate with Professor Brown’s insight on the fact that the people with the most sense of love and belonging are usually those who embrace their vulnerability and view vulnerability as nothing else but a necessity, I do want to say from my own experience and my friends’ stories, I came to realize something surprising and fundamental, yet so true: you are happier if you say I love you first, you are happier if you initiate a conversation first, you are happier if you are the one who have the courage to commit and contribute without even thinking about whether or not this will work out.

Exactly through these efforts that may or may not work out, you see your value and worthiness. You love first and then you find a place for your heart in this world.

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There ARE no wrong decisions

November 27, 2010 8 comments
Sometimes it’s embarrassing to admit how many stupid decisions I have made. But those are my decisions and they made me who I am today. The most insulting words have taught me how to forgive, the most devastating betrayal has forced me to become stronger, and the most challenging relatoinship has trained me how to respect. If anything, today I can put all these behind me. 
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Tomorrow is another day.  
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不如乖乖做一只小绵羊吧

November 12, 2010 7 comments

I am going to write in Chinese periodically and I hope that you won’t mind. Sorry if you don’t really read Chinese, maybe you can use google translate? I promise this will not happen often, but sometimes I just REALLY want to write in Chinese! 🙂 Today is one of those days, apparently.

我很多年想不清楚一个问题

如果你是一个有些强势的女人,那似乎很容易让男人觉得有吸引力,不过然后交往起来男人又觉得有压力; 再之后开始矛盾重重,这个怎么办呢? 

后来我的一个好朋友一语道破天机:是么?你为什么不能乖乖做你的小绵羊呢? 

是啊。如果说强势是一种性格,倒不如说是一种姿态。没有谁会一直强势的(我不相信有完全不会温柔的女人),也没有那个必要。可是一个姿态做久了,容易变成习惯,习惯了之后就变得麻痹。所以你以为你根本没有强势的时候别人也觉得你很强势了。 

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And just talk to me

November 7, 2010 Leave a comment
I thought it would mean something beautiful, like as if you can read my mind; but then I realized it means much more, if I can always speak my mind. You started feeling me, before knowing me.
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But I wish you could stop for one second, and just talk to me.
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spirit.jpg image by autumgrace-54

Attracted to someone who already has a girlfriend (boyfriend)

November 2, 2010 113 comments

Previously I wrote a post on what to do if you are already in a relationship but are attracted to someone else, which surprisingly came consistently on top of my “most searched post” list. Then I realized recently that a more intriguing situation is: what if you are attracted to someone who already has a boyfriend or girlfriend? 

The fact is, and I feel you, this can be devastating. Yet again, there is almost nothing you can do.

 

But you might want to run through the following exercise to make yourself feel better and to understand what you should do your next step. For the interest of time, I am going to write from a girl’s perspective, but the rules should apply to both. 

  • Is he attracted to you at all?

This is the first question you should ask yourself, because if the answer is a NO you will save yourself a lot of trouble. It is your freedom and right to like someone secretly and be happy about it, until one day you wake up and suddenly realized you’re over him. But that’s it. There is no hope and no future. He will NOT like you back JUST BECAUSE you’re good to him. So why don’t you save yourself some time? 

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My Halloween Night

October 31, 2010 Leave a comment

And then I realized, the best surprise always comes when you least expect it.

Already in a relationship but attracted to someone else

August 20, 2010 69 comments

I am writing this for all of those who are very much in love with their current significant others but are still occasionally attracted to other people. First let’s be clear with the fact that you do love your boyfriend or girlfriend, and that may exactly be the reason why you are confused. You almost freaked out because you are all of a sudden attracted to someone else, and you started asking yourself: what’s wrong with me?

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The fact is: it’s normal. It has happened and is happening to many other people just like you, and it is NOT a commitment problem. Chances are you will get over your crush pretty soon, though for some people it might be a little bit tough and you might want to run through the following exercises to figure things out:

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Distinguish Attraction and Love

You can be attracted to many people for different reasons, and a lot of the attractions may be very strong at the beginning. The problem about attraction is though: you started to have strong feelings for someone even without knowing him/her at all, which means the strong feelings END when you actually get to know him/her. Very few people in this world will keep you attracted consistently, and along the way, the initial feelings of attraction will probably turn into a more intimate and subtle feeling of closeness and comfort, and that is something much more precious, and that is something we call “Love”.

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