THIS ARTICLE WAS WRITTEN 2.5 years ago, 2 weeks after I relocated to New York from New Haven, originally posted on CUUS (Chinese Undergraduates at United States). I decided to re-post this as I have been bombed by a series of questions on job hunting and life philosophies especially from Chinese students recently; and I realized a lot of examples and thoughts I laid out in this article are still very much applicable to people still at college or just gradated.
I know it’s a long one, and it’s in Chinese, but this is among one of the most precious, profound, informative, yet personal articles I have ever written in my life. So enjoy.
(首发于CUUS & deniseyezi 个人博客, 转载请注明作者出处)
最近我遇到一位长得一表人才，家庭条件非常好的移民，IVY league的PhD +MBA, 据他本人说是开过法拉利，乘过私人飞机，交过super model做女朋友。可是认识没几天他突然抱怨，我觉得生活没有意义了，我不知道我到底想做什么，没有什么事情让我感到excited,我觉得我没有任何朋友。。。等等。我就傻了。当然我尽力安慰他，可是我在心里说：你不知道比多少多少人幸运呢！我想不明白他为什么没有感恩的心情，为什么不能对已有的知足。
I used to believe that love is the cure for every pain. But I was wrong, because there are so many types of loves that we constantly confuse ourselves and draw each other into unnecessary troubles and conflicts. I have always been a “strong” girl, like many other girls, I am used to “pretend to be cool” and “always smile, be active” on the outside. But I realized long ago that I was not so strong from inside, I was actually weak, sentimental and even vulnerable. So I used to expect that one day there will be a guy coming into my life as a savior, a healer. It turned out pretty much to be an illusion.
Why? even you met someone really responsible, he is never really going to be responsible for you. Ultimately he does not owe you (or anyone) anything. If you devote for a relationship it only means you really care, but it doesn’t mean he will take responsibility for your choices, your mistakes and your sorrow. If you want a better life, please be your own healer, and make your heart, not appearance, stronger.
2. Face your fear.
I wrote this a while back but would like to repost this today in memory of my bright college years.
I finally went back to Yale again last weekend for the 2009 commencement. It’s been exactly a year, everything’s still the same; everything’s so different. My fellow Piersonites reminded me of Toads, last change dance, Myrtle Beach, fencing club, Feb club, commencement ball, and etc. I was thrilled to discover K and S are coming to midtown NY to work too, and we were already discussing our lunch plans. Well, plan is always just a plan. I haven’t even officially scheduled one lunch with my former schoolmate in McKinsey right across the street yet. New York is so big; New York is so small.
“So today I will not insult you by calling you ‘the best and the brightest’ of your generation. Instead, I will call you ‘darned smart and really good-looking,'” class day keynote speech, Christopher Buckley, Yale class of ’75, writer. I was a little bit disappointed initially, think about Tony Blair from last year, but soon I got totally fascinated by his humor and attitude. “Say cool lines”, he reminded us, and “Perhaps most amazing, most cool of all, America finally elected its first African American president. A Harvard man,” Buckley said, with feigned disdain. “Okay. But remember — it might not have happened if it hadn’t been for a Yale man, George W. Bush.”
Of course most importantly, he challenged the fundamental way of supposed-to-be profound philosophical thinking. According to him, “whatever!” is the ultimate answer to life’s most existential problems, and “it’s just brilliant and philosophically air-tight.” To be or not to be – whatever! The only thing we have to fear is fear itself – whatever! But whatever life holds in store for you, remember the words of that most quotable of American philosophers, Yogi Berra: “When I come to a fork in the road, I take it.” And finally…he said “Whatever else life holds in store for you, and may it hold every blessing and every happiness, there’s one very cool line that you can already say: Yale, 2009 – whatever!”