Maybe there is still a chance to have it all

One of my girlfriends is visiting NY for meetings and she asked me to help her to pick up her wedding gown from Vera Wang the day before. I am so happy for her. You know there are times when you say “good for you” you actually feel “gosh it’s so unfair I cannot believe she is getting this while I didn’t!” But that kind of feeling is not in my dictionary anymore. I am lucky to be surrounded by both guys and girls who are as ambitious, capable, observant, insightful and FUN as myself (sorry I’m complimenting myself again), if not more, and they complement me as a human being, and they inspire me every day to give back more with passion and love.

Ultimately it’s not about a competition after all. It’s about inviting someone to join the life journey with you, to learn, to share, to enjoy; or sometimes, just to sit quietly together while looking out of the window, and maybe laugh, and sing.

 

Treat people right, any people

 

When I was in Hong Kong I went to this Portuguese restaurant once and ordered some baked pork and rice dish. I asked the waiter some standard question on what kind of sauce he recommends, how long it will take, and how big the portion is etc. Apparently he was relatively new and he couldn’t answer half of the questions. I got very impatient. I unintentionally raised my voice and I was at the edge of asking to be served by another waiter. He was embarrassed obviously, and my friend who went with me gave me a very disturbed stare, which I couldn’t quite figure out why at the moment. 

I am scared of competition, and you should too!

I know I have been away for a while. I have been traveling for business (and leisure) in Asia for the past 4 months. I was in Hong Kong, Singapore, Thailand, Macau, and multiple places in Mainland China. I met many interesting people, faced many challenging situations, and there are things that I like and not like about this whole experience, which I will gradually share with you later on. I am also in the process of building a brand new website that will EXPAND the topics of my writing, the bandwidth of knowledge that I am sharing, the broader audience I can reach out to, and the ways how I can communicate to each one of you. I look to launch my new website in the near future by which time my wordpress articles will be migrated. So please stay tuned and I would love to celebrate together with you when that becomes official.

But one thing that has been on my mind for the longest time is: Why am I not relocating back to Asia? I had multiple conversations with senior managers from different teams in our Asian offices, and one of the really senior guys gave me this look when I told him I was born and raised up in China, went to college in the US and have been working in NY ever since, and he almost started yelling at me:

What the hell are you still doing in New York?!

3 stories on knowing yourself better and life attitude

It was a little bit sad looking out of the window from my seat on the 24^th floor in the Park Avenue Plaza building. It was raining badly in the morning when I came in; it was almost freezing when I went to lunch with my lovely Chinese colleagues; yet 5 seconds ago, it suddenly cleared up and it was all sunny. The windows almost felt like non-existent.

But it was sad because I am leaving NY, though only for 3 months. Yes I am going to Hong Kong for a short-term assignment which is a great opportunity and I look forward to the new adventures, discoveries, and I am excited about what else about people, culture, business and life I may be able to share with you. The past few weeks have been hectic with all the logistics and responsibility transfers, and of course, a lot of late night calls with Asia. But at this point, I felt calm. A little bit sad, yet calm.

I am not sure how frequent I will be able to write while I am working out of Hong Kong. I am under the impression that I will be working crazy hours given that’s the only reason they want me there. But before I embark on my new journey I want to leave with you a few stories which I have experienced recently. I thought about naming these under “self-improvement” or “peace of mind” or even “pursuit of happiness in life”, but when I started writing I realized it all comes down to — knowing yourself better, and especially your attitude when you respond to unexpected things in life.

It’s challenging, but it’s not that hard.

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Do one thing that scares you every day

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It was a Wednesday and I just came back from Delaware with our clients for a day trip to our data center. I have 2 hours to kill before Mary Poppins, so I marched into Borders trying to finish Liar’s Poker, and then another book caught my eyes: The 4-hour Work Week. I heard a lot about this book from my friends and I used the next hour flipping through the pages and I’m pretty happy with what I am reading, and I think Tim Ferriss does offer people a sweet DEAL (Definition, Elimination, Automation & Liberation).

What I learned about Relationships from Yale (and NYC)

Okay, hope you all had a wonderful Valentine’s Day! I had a great dinner at Koi with M the birthday girl and one of the guys was gentleman enough to bring a rose to each of the girls, very nice gesture I have to say! And then we went out to drinks at Stone Rose at the Time Warner Building. Again another cool spot in NY, you have to check it out next time you want a romantic yet low-key spot, with a lot of space, unique drinks and a great view!

Anyway, I have to admit that originally I plan to write on “What has Yale taught me about sex”! But I realized I am yet to be that aggressive and I don’t want to scare away some of my younger readers and I am pretty sure I’m not an expert on that subject anyway! But if that’s something you’re interested in reading please give me a shout in the comment or something.

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So let me get back to what I actually want to talk about today: What I learned about relationships at Yale and in the US?

1. Be an independent person first

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It took me a long time to realize how much truth lies in this simple idea: If you are not a happy person single, you will not be a happy person in a relationship. I’m not sure about you but I was raised up in an environment with this whole idea of “we are born to be incomplete and we spend our whole life trying to find someone to complete and to heal us”. After I came to Yale and the US, I realized it was a lie. Why? Because this idea leads us to the trap of being too demanding.

Is There a “But”? How to Reject Without Saying No

• I would love to go to your event, but I already made dinner plans.
• You did a great job with your interview, but we extended the offer to someone who did better.
• I think you are a great person, but I am not attracted to you in that way
• I really enjoyed the time being with you, but I made the decision to leave you.

These are the common situations we have to deal with day-to-day, and it can be awkward, difficult, nerve-racking, embarrassing, and you might feel guilty, uncomfortable, or even ashamed to have to put someone else in that situation. And you are also afraid of BEING PUT in such situations, and many times you wonder, “Is there a but, again?” even though the other person talks all positives.

But you have to deal with it, and the first thing you need to do is to be CERTAIN that this is something you want to do (rejecting). And then it’s about the techniques on how to be articulate about it, and here goes the formula:

Multiple “and” phrases

+ Addresses feelings

+ Suggest alternatives

= EASIER NO

Now let me give you a few examples:

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To Leave or Not To Leave: Should you switch jobs now?

So this is bonus season again and despite how much you DON’T want to hear discussions about it, people talk about what they are getting, people express feelings of dissatisfaction or content, and people start thinking about other options.

Especially for young professionals who just entered the workplace in the past one or two years, this is a crucial question you might want to ask yourself: should I stay? Or should I go for another firm?

 

Wait ~~~7 Key Reasons to hold off jumping to somewhere else!

 

1. You have been there for no more than 6 months

You typically need 6-8 months to get used to a new job anyway. It is hardly a smart decision to leave already before you give yourself enough time to get comfortable with the day-to-day work.

 

Are you satisfied with your job and what are you looking for?

Apparently I was randomly selected from my college to participate in the 2010 National Survey of Recent College Graduates conducted by the National Science Foundation (NSF), and in the email it specifies that they cannot substitute another person for me given the process. I was also told that this important national study is the only source of data on the post graduation plans and experiences of recent graduates with bachelor’s or master’s degrees in natural sciences, social sciences, engineering, and health fields.

All sounds very interesting. But I want to direct your attention to one of the questions they asked me during the survey:

How much are you satisfied with your current job in the following respective aspects? And also, with a scale of 1-5, how would you rate the importance of each aspect to you?

In case you are one of those debating over several options, I want to list the 9 aspects below and my personal takeaways for each aspect, and to give you an idea of what questions you should ask yourself and your potential future colleagues, before making a decision on joining the firm/or switching to something else.

• Salary
  • An entry level base of 65,000 vs. 70,000 may not be a big difference, but a base of 45,000 vs. 70,000 would much likely raise a bigger question mark.
  • How much is the rough increase every year?
  • What is the industry-level pay for this type of position? Is the pay scale above or below average? How about bonus level?

给，还没有毕业的你们：(My College Experience in the US)

THIS ARTICLE WAS WRITTEN 2.5 years ago, 2 weeks after I relocated to New York from New Haven, originally posted on CUUS (Chinese Undergraduates at United States). I decided to re-post this as I have been bombed by a series of questions on job hunting and life philosophies especially from Chinese students recently; and I realized a lot of examples and thoughts I laid out in this article are still very much applicable to people still at college or just gradated.

I know it’s a long one, and it’s in Chinese, but this is among one of the most precious, profound, informative, yet personal articles I have ever written in my life. So enjoy.

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(首发于CUUS & deniseyezi 个人博客, 转载请注明作者出处)

看了茶茶最近的帖子，有很多感触和启发，也有些许的惭愧。CUUS曾经是我大学生活中的重头戏，在这里应该记载了我的很多快乐，感伤，幸福，以及迷茫。然而我还没有来得及庆祝我的成长，或者还没来得及再宣告原来我依然是一个什么都不懂得孩子，一转眼，就毕业了。

毕业后来到纽约已经近两周了，仿佛这辈子也没有连续两周可以这样清闲而懒散。没有什么需要马上plan,没有什么deadline, 这样的梦幻般的生活却仿佛一下子不习惯。纽约已经燥热了3天，今天晚上一场大雨过后，终于凉快下来。这样的夜，我想，正适合写字。

仅希望——这些我毕业后才终于懂了的事情，你们毕业前就了解吧。

其实我只是想回答一个很简单的问题：在美国的大学四年，我们到底应该做些什么？或者那些看似平常的小事，我们应该怎么做？

以下的一些个人想法和经历，主要是讲几个故事，仅供参考。

 

• 关于人生观价值观—要感恩要控制

最近我遇到一位长得一表人才，家庭条件非常好的移民，IVY league的PhD +MBA, 据他本人说是开过法拉利，乘过私人飞机，交过super model做女朋友。可是认识没几天他突然抱怨，我觉得生活没有意义了，我不知道我到底想做什么，没有什么事情让我感到excited,我觉得我没有任何朋友。。。等等。我就傻了。当然我尽力安慰他，可是我在心里说：你不知道比多少多少人幸运呢！我想不明白他为什么没有感恩的心情，为什么不能对已有的知足。

Good ways to spend your Monday Holiday

My New Year was off to a rocky start. I lost my phone; my new phone didn’t arrive one week after I lost my old one; and I was sick for more than a week. But then I realized it’s probably a good time to say to yourself: things will only get better. It was like how I entered the financial industry. It was great timing as a matter of fact, it was 2 months before Lehman went down. Yes, things will only get better. They always do.

 

And my turnaround came yesterday when I felt much better both physically and mentally. And it was a Monday and a holiday, so what did I do?

 

 

Read something new, or finish up your old book

My friend suggested me a good cafe close to where I live. It was a cozy place, has its own library and serves amazing almond tea. I have been reading this book on “difficult conversations” by people who live and breathe difficult conversations both in a business context and a personal context at HBS. It was a good read, it provided a good learning opportunity to me and although I’m still half way through the book, I can see myself applying some of the strategies and perceptions to my day-to-day work which very much involves challenging communications one way or another. I was quite efficient with my reading that afternoon and my friend also finished up his reading on Russian history (the collapse of Soviet Union and the people involved). Just a few hours digging into the pages and the very scent of words and stories can make a huge difference on how fulfilled you feel about your day. Try it. Try it again.

 

Top 8 Things I learned in 2010 (Part I)

IT WAS QUIET IN THE OFFICE for the past two weeks, so I took the opportunity to strategize my plan for the next year and I took the initiative to talk to a few senior managers to understand opportunities, direction of the business and the team, and to ask for advice on where I should be headed with my career going forward. In the mean time, I spent a great deal of time contemplating on the bygone year, and here are a few thoughts I’d like to share with you.

1. The best conversations happen in the ladies’ room

Well I am not sure what’s going on in the men’s room I don’t typically spend a lot of time there, but I would imagine talking in the men’s room to be quite awkward and embarrassing. It’s surprisingly not the case in the ladies’ room. In fact, many of the most important conversations I ever had throughout the year all happened in this seemingly constraint space, including how to get onto the women network events committee, who to talk to for international travel visa arrangement, which MD is going to be out for how long so I should schedule my meetings early, and etc.

I guess one of the reasons is some of the days people are honestly that busy so the only time they have slightly some freedom to take a breeze is when they go to the bathroom. And I’m not sure if it happened to you too, but a lot of times I feel I keep bumping into the same person once I run into her once in the bathroom. At actually the line I’ve used the most was: “hey I’ve seen you around on the floor, but my name is D, which group are you in again?”

“I don’t worry about anything”

I HAD MY 8-HOUR LONG training on presentation skills yesterday. It was dreadful. They video tape you, and then tear you apart. But then they teach you how to improve with your voice, tone, gesture, posture, notes, slides, how to address hop topics or answer “I don’t know” questions, and even how to stand, where to look, how to raise your arm and point with your hand, and much more.

At the end of the day, everyone was super exhausted, but everyone was happy. Everyone saw significant improvement from one taping to another, and everyone got much more comfortable with the key message they are trying to convey and how to make it as effective as possible. And secretly I was especially happy because my friend at another finance firm told me his training on presentation skills was a disaster, which apparently involved jumping around and almost making a fool of himself in front of 20 some people, while for our training/taping sessions, we only had 3 participants.

But I came in to the training session, expecting it was going to be the most embarrassing and dreadful day of my career. Yes I am a client-facing person to start with, but still, if Presentation/Public Speaking is on TOP of the “10 things people are most afraid of” list (FYI, Snake and Spider are also on the list), this should be of no surprise and I’m sure I was not the only one who wish I was not there that morning, in the beginning at least.

You would have booked the tickets already

I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO TRAVEL, to Europe especially, then Latin America. I secretly wished I were a guy when I was in middle school because I know some of my guy friends would just leave a note to their parents and then go off to another far faraway place for mountain climbing. I THOUGHT I couldn’t do that as a girl.

Then I was at college, I was on financial aid. The money from my part-time job went to food, books, clothing, paying back some loans, and buying tickets to go back home every now and then. Then the summer came, I wanted to go to Europe and maybe study aboard in Paris, but then I’ll have to pay more. Hum, so I would think to myself: maybe I should just stay on campus and find some internship around town so I can earn more money first.

Before I realized it, I was one of the proud alumni already. The good news is I finally make some money now. The bad news is I simply have no time. And for the rare cases when I do have both, I worry about who else I should be traveling with.