Maybe there is still a chance to have it all

One of my girlfriends is visiting NY for meetings and she asked me to help her to pick up her wedding gown from Vera Wang the day before. I am so happy for her. You know there are times when you say “good for you” you actually feel “gosh it’s so unfair I cannot believe she is getting this while I didn’t!” But that kind of feeling is not in my dictionary anymore. I am lucky to be surrounded by both guys and girls who are as ambitious, capable, observant, insightful and FUN as myself (sorry I’m complimenting myself again), if not more, and they complement me as a human being, and they inspire me every day to give back more with passion and love.

Ultimately it’s not about a competition after all. It’s about inviting someone to join the life journey with you, to learn, to share, to enjoy; or sometimes, just to sit quietly together while looking out of the window, and maybe laugh, and sing.

 

Treat people right, any people

 

When I was in Hong Kong I went to this Portuguese restaurant once and ordered some baked pork and rice dish. I asked the waiter some standard question on what kind of sauce he recommends, how long it will take, and how big the portion is etc. Apparently he was relatively new and he couldn’t answer half of the questions. I got very impatient. I unintentionally raised my voice and I was at the edge of asking to be served by another waiter. He was embarrassed obviously, and my friend who went with me gave me a very disturbed stare, which I couldn’t quite figure out why at the moment. 

Most Effective Tips on How to Write Follow up Emails

Dear Danye,

I really want to hear your insights on how to follow up with people I just met with such as alumni or high profile people. After the first acquaintance, I usually don’t know what to say to them through email or phone since we barely see each other. At the same time, I’m afraid that too many emails of questions or holiday wishes would annoy them. But I want to make a good impression because I may need their help at some point. Would you please elaborate how you maintain the relationship with your contacts?

Thank you – N

Another great question from Ask Danye, you guys are really awesome awesome inspirations! And I want to reassure you that the very fact you are writing this email to me means you take initiatives and that you are on the right track: yes, you do need to reach out to people BEFORE you actually need help from them. And here’s how to do it:

• Make it extremely easy for them
• Keep it very short (the 3 steps)
• Watch your tone (some do’s and don’ts)
• Write it already

Make it extremely easy for them

Senior people are busy people, so if you want them to do just about anything in the world, you need to make it super easy for them. I recently coordinated with HR, Yale Alums at my firm, and Women Initiatives for an informational/networking/recruiting event with Smart Woman Securities, a women organization from Yale. I pushed very hard for the event to happen obviously since we don’t really recruit on campus, and there’s tons of coordination work. But I got affirmative response from EVERY SINGLE person I reached out to and everyone is super excited to help me, even Harvard alums!

25 Things About Me (Updated)

Let me take a break and write something fun about myself.

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So I did this a long time ago when the 25 Things About Me idea first came out on facebook and I got tagged by someone else. Now I realized there are so many precious things about me I didn’t get to mention and so many new experiences I didn’t get to illustrate. So I rewrote this in memory of the first 25 years of my life, and I want to dedicate this to everyone who has been a part of my life, who has challenged me, inspired me, encouraged me, showed up for me, stayed with me when I felt frustrated, confused, and anxious, and finally, who has embraced my character wholeheartedly.

Btw, in case you are wondering, the pictures are taken by professional camera so you know how misleading they can be.

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1. I introduce myself as Kanye with a D = Danye, and people love it. Well everyone knows Kanye West, but very few are aware that “Dan Ye” means “red leaf” in Chinese.

2. I am BIGGGGGGGGGG on sleep; I am BIGGGGGGGGGG on efficiency too.

3. I like abs. I think just abs is good enough.

4. I have visited all 8 Ivy League universities + MIT + Stanford + UChicago.

5. The only flower I wish to receive is lily: it has to be lily and it has to be white.

A Good NAME for your Internship; A Good TEAM for your Job

I was at this Womensphere Summit on Emerging Global Leaders this past Saturday and the beautiful lady sitting beside me is a junior at Brown University majoring in International Relations (no surprise), and she is freaking out about what she is going to do for the rest of her life, especially when everyone starts talking about passion and building a solid career path.

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This may be the stage you are at in your life and you are thinking about the same issues and you may be freaking out too, and if I were right, you actually go to a great school with top programs and your grades are decent. But you are still freaking out. Why? I know. I’ve been there before: There are simply too many options, and you could potentially do anything and everything. But you have no clue what you really want and how you should make such decisions.

Ok so here are some well-tested advices (by my own experience and by many others) on how to figure out your passion and make decisions on your junior internship and more importantly, your first full-time job. Bear with me.

 

Find a good NAME for your internship

On “Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior”, and what is wrong about it

Aside from the release of Verizon iPhone 4 and another round of big snow in New York, there is something else that has flooded the internet these days: Ms. Amy Chua’s Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior article on WSJ.

I have to say I like this article. I admire Amy’s honesty and audacity to even talk about things in such controversy that many Chinese are familiar with but may be totally unimaginable to other cultures. I am intrigued and impressed by her witty (at times funny) language and detailed examples, and I mean who would not be?! Especially when you read such a tagline – Can a regimen of no playdates, no TV, no computer games and hours of music practice create happy kids? And what happens when they fight back?

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However, as much as I have personally lived through many experiences Amy has explicitly described in her article, and as much as I can only nod through her 3 points that by large have differentiated Chinese parents from other parents, I have sadly come to an conclusion that there are at least two fundamental flaws in the very foundation of her arguments:

1)      Happiness and success do not necessarily correlate to each other, especially when you define success in such a narrow way.

2)      Ending your parenting story when your kids are 15-ish is probably quite pre-mature. What may have worked for a 7-year old does not mean it will work the same for a late teen.

Best of 2010, and Preview of 2011

I have kept blogs in a variety of places before and this is the first and only time the website sent me a stats summary with such details for the bygone year. For the constant thrive to optimize user experience and the degree of dedication, I want to first thank WordPress for offering me, and many other bloggers in this world, an intimate place to pursue our passions, to share our curiosities, and to develop a legacy. 

I also want to take the opportunity to appreciate every one of you who has stopped by my blog over the past year. For those who have commented on my posts, cheered for me on my facebook walls, left a message to me on LinkedIn and Gtalk, followed me on Google Reader, or mentioned my blog to me face-to-face, I want to thank you for being my constant motivation and inspiration. Your encouragement means the world to me.

Started in mid-April 2010, the blog had 70 new posts and was viewed about 21,000 times over the course of 2010. Not bad for the first year I have to say. Thanks for sharing this with me.

Here are my Top Posts of the Year:

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10. This is the kind of email I WILL respond to!

This was an introduction email on career opportunity that I have been waiting for. As I know most people are still struggling on how to effectively network and communicate, I figured it was a good idea to share the email and my interpretation with you. 

You would have booked the tickets already

I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO TRAVEL, to Europe especially, then Latin America. I secretly wished I were a guy when I was in middle school because I know some of my guy friends would just leave a note to their parents and then go off to another far faraway place for mountain climbing. I THOUGHT I couldn’t do that as a girl.

Then I was at college, I was on financial aid. The money from my part-time job went to food, books, clothing, paying back some loans, and buying tickets to go back home every now and then. Then the summer came, I wanted to go to Europe and maybe study aboard in Paris, but then I’ll have to pay more. Hum, so I would think to myself: maybe I should just stay on campus and find some internship around town so I can earn more money first.

Before I realized it, I was one of the proud alumni already. The good news is I finally make some money now. The bad news is I simply have no time. And for the rare cases when I do have both, I worry about who else I should be traveling with.

すごいですね：Japanese Human Beat Box at Union Square!

Yay, so this is my first iphone video recording, and my first youtube upload!  This Japanese guy was simply amazing, and this was just one of his many astonishing routines. I was lucky to have witnessed this with my own eyes at Union Square and I kept saying to myself, there are so many people out there doing things so interesting and so different from what we’re doing, but most of the cases we are not even aware.

Be curious, because life is still full of surprises.

不如乖乖做一只小绵羊吧

I am going to write in Chinese periodically and I hope that you won’t mind. Sorry if you don’t really read Chinese, maybe you can use google translate? I promise this will not happen often, but sometimes I just REALLY want to write in Chinese! 🙂 Today is one of those days, apparently.

我很多年想不清楚一个问题

如果你是一个有些强势的女人，那似乎很容易让男人觉得有吸引力，不过然后交往起来男人又觉得有压力； 再之后开始矛盾重重，这个怎么办呢？ 

后来我的一个好朋友一语道破天机：是么？你为什么不能乖乖做你的小绵羊呢？ 

是啊。如果说强势是一种性格，倒不如说是一种姿态。没有谁会一直强势的（我不相信有完全不会温柔的女人），也没有那个必要。可是一个姿态做久了，容易变成习惯，习惯了之后就变得麻痹。所以你以为你根本没有强势的时候别人也觉得你很强势了。 

Transition to a New Management Role

Remember this: Find out how people want to be treated and treat them that way. If you do, you will be very successful.

Attracted to someone who already has a girlfriend (boyfriend)

Previously I wrote a post on what to do if you are already in a relationship but are attracted to someone else, which surprisingly came consistently on top of my “most searched post” list. Then I realized recently that a more intriguing situation is: what if you are attracted to someone who already has a boyfriend or girlfriend? 

The fact is, and I feel you, this can be devastating. Yet again, there is almost nothing you can do.

 

But you might want to run through the following exercise to make yourself feel better and to understand what you should do your next step. For the interest of time, I am going to write from a girl’s perspective, but the rules should apply to both. 

• Is he attracted to you at all?

This is the first question you should ask yourself, because if the answer is a NO you will save yourself a lot of trouble. It is your freedom and right to like someone secretly and be happy about it, until one day you wake up and suddenly realized you’re over him. But that’s it. There is no hope and no future. He will NOT like you back JUST BECAUSE you’re good to him. So why don’t you save yourself some time? 

I feel you, New York

I am back to New York, finally.
I pulled myself out of the couch, and smacked myself into the bed.
It felt comfortable. It felt like home.

I probably never missed New York so badly before.
I hastened my breath to breathe in more fresh air.
I couldn’t wait to log onto facebook.
I could check wenxuecity and all the other gossips again.
I went to Chipotle three times this week.
I can use my credit card to pay my cabs now!

I’m looking at playbill for new Broadway shows again.
I’m watching Lie to Me, Gossip Girl and Big Bang Theory on PPStreem again.
I’m back on track with my daily routine (getting off from work at 11pm)
And my office phone had 16 messages for the period I was gone, and 28 missed calls.
And I have 3 client meetings, 2 final pitch calls, 2 monthly reports and an annual questionnaire this week.

And I am thrilled.

How Honest Can You Be?

I watched the Confession of a Go Go Girl last night. It is a story about this girl who started go-go dancing in order to make ends meet, but most lost herself in the “easy money” job and jeopardized her relationship with her family, boyfriend, her acting career, and most importantly, her true self. She managed to get back to her acting classes toward the end of the movie and I want to share this simple but astonishing monologue she did on stage: 

I lied to everyone about everything, expect me.
I say I’m not tired when I am, I say I’m hungry when I’m not, I tell people what they want to hear and never say what I am actually feeling.
I let the lies pile up, like bricks on a wall until I can’t see out and no one else can see in.
I make a plan to escape, I become someone else; Put on a disguise and I climb over the wall and no one recognizes me.
I feel powerful. I can get people to do what I want them to do.
But I go to far. I get lost and I don’t recognize myself.
Take off the disguise, I give away the power.
I give up the control, I retrace my steps, go back to the wall and I take it down brick by brick, I bury them to mark the place.
I strip away all the lies, until there are none left.
I remember the girl I left behind. I claim the confidence i was missing.
I envision the women I want to be, tell everyone the truth about everything, especially you.

 

I have been reading Penelope Trunk’s blog for a while and I have recommended her articles to many of my friends. She is insanely honest and extremely sharing with her insightful and practical advices on networking, job hunting, career and life in general.

Already in a relationship but attracted to someone else

I am writing this for all of those who are very much in love with their current significant others but are still occasionally attracted to other people. First let’s be clear with the fact that you do love your boyfriend or girlfriend, and that may exactly be the reason why you are confused. You almost freaked out because you are all of a sudden attracted to someone else, and you started asking yourself: what’s wrong with me?

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The fact is: it’s normal. It has happened and is happening to many other people just like you, and it is NOT a commitment problem. Chances are you will get over your crush pretty soon, though for some people it might be a little bit tough and you might want to run through the following exercises to figure things out:

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Distinguish Attraction and Love

You can be attracted to many people for different reasons, and a lot of the attractions may be very strong at the beginning. The problem about attraction is though: you started to have strong feelings for someone even without knowing him/her at all, which means the strong feelings END when you actually get to know him/her. Very few people in this world will keep you attracted consistently, and along the way, the initial feelings of attraction will probably turn into a more intimate and subtle feeling of closeness and comfort, and that is something much more precious, and that is something we call “Love”.

The Relocation Decision: It is Not About The Job

You probably have heard of this before: I am relocating to Hong Kong because I got a really exciting job opportunity. But when you heard this too many times, you might start asking yourself: I have opportunities to relocate as well, but why the decision is so difficult for me to make while it seems so seamless for everyone else? 

But probably you did not dig deeper into their reasoning behind the relocation. In fact, it is hardly ever about the job, or at least not the job alone. Well first, to take a step back, let’s suppose that as a competent professional as yourself, you are capable of landing a job anywhere in the world. 

So if it is not about the job, what is it about then?

To be closer to your significant other and/or family

It may sound surprising for someone just starting their career, but it is even more surprising how many people are willing to relocate to be closer to their boyfriend or girlfriend, or move back to their hometown to be with their parents.

All The Right Moves

I went to OneRepublic‘s concert this Wednesday. They are doing their world tour and only stopping in NY for one night. Ternimal 5 is crazily remote from everything else in the city and it is like a broadway show theatre except that there are no seats! Well, there are a few seats on the 2nd and 3rd floor but either you get there super early or you are some sort of secret VIP.

But I had a blast, like in a big club. I was there for 3 hours and actually OneRepublic didn’t show up until the last hour. They had Alpha Rae as the first cover band and one of the guitar players (I’m 99% sure he’s Japanese) was so into it because he was shaking his head the entire time like crazy, but he’s absolutely beautiful. And Sarah came out for another hour and her songs are cheerful and energetic and she’s definitely not afraid of cracking jokes and drinking on stage, knowing nobody down there has ever heard about her, probably.

Never Too Late? How about Never Too Early?

An old saying goes, it’s never too late. Well probably God gives you one chance, you blow it, then comes another you blow it again, then another…until one day God (or any kind of supernatural power) decides fine I’m done with it. Up until that day, you can say it’s never too late. But how would you know there is still a next chance? 

And even if you know, what exactly does it’s never too late mean? Today I realized it means “NEVER TOO EARLY”! It means NOW. It means you should stop procrastinating and start doing your job NOW. It means start planning your future and be FORWARD looking. Actually, it will ALWAYS be late if you compare to the past, but past is past, so what matters is what will happen tomorrow, the day after tomorrow. 

And you think there is always a tomorrow and you can always plan later for the future, and if you are not prepared enough, you can just let go of opportunities. But how could you know when you are finally prepared (at all) there will still be an opportunity waiting for you?! Probably that’s why for some people they would accept an interview that totally requires some computer programming skills while he/she does not have, but then he will cram for it in the following month to make sure he ace the interview. 

When was your defining moment?

BLK President Rob Kapito addressed the Wharton School Class of 2010 at the MBA graduation ceremony on May 16. It was not as funny as Ellen’s, or Blair’s, and I couldn’t stop but thinking: MBA commencement’s so boring…but the major takeaway I had from this speech was when he talked about the “defining moment”.

Ellen’s defining moment was probably when she realized her girlfriend passed away in the car accident and she was living in a basement back then, which made her wonder “why this is happening to me and what does this mean”, and inspired her to create the script on the telephone call with the God. Rob’s defining moment was when his father got seriously sick and he realized he didn’t want his family to go through the same hardship.

Welcome to An Advice A Day

Greetings,

I am finally starting this blog to share the best advices I was given and I could possibly give, and everything I have learned from my day-to-day life. I hope you will enjoy reading my posts and your attention is my best inspiration and encouragement.

About Me: Ivy league graduate, currently working in finance in NYC.